Candlelight and Other Stuff

I lit a candle this evening. It's sitting inf ront of me now, a warm glow lighting up the little bit of my world. I love fire. Controlled, of course. There's nothing warm and glowy about a firestorm. Candles have always been special to me, for some reason. I used to buy them by the dozen and light them in my bedroom, something my mother hates because she thinks I'm going to burn down the house. I'm not stupid enough to leave a lighted candle just sitting there unattended, you know.

Anyway, for as long as I can remember, fire has held a special significance for me. I love the way it just does its job, without a care in the world. It's almost mystical. To me, fire signifies life. It has the capability to destroy, but more often, fire brings new life. The plain is renewed by fire, some pines require it to free the seeds from the cones. It represents calm, and safety. in countless stories, a pinpoint of light on a dark night has been the salvation of many a lost traveller. That point of light, a candle, to the lost, means light and life, safety, warmth, hope.

Candlelight is the most intimate form of lighting there is; it provides enought light to see by, without the harsh edges of artificial light. Romantic dinners are invariably held by candlelight, the small fire's warm orange glow gives a sense of mystery, its flickering glow now revealing, now hiding. Beautiful, isnt it? I love it. I think I was born about a century too early; i would have been perfectly content to sit by candlelight and contemplate Light and Life.

I just stepped down. I guess I wasn't good enough to do what they wanted me to do. Oh well. It hurt, to give up something that I started, nurtured, and loved dearly. To me, it wasn't totally about the end product, although that was immensely satisfying in and of itself. it was about the process, the people, the art. It was about bringing a message to people. It was, mostly, about Love. God's love for us, and our love for other people. It was about loving the art in and of itself.

Oh well.

It's gone now... Someone else has it in his/her hands, and hopefully God's plan will be borne out through it. Still, when I was asked to step aside, it felt like a piece of my heart was cut away. I think to myself, i didn't like the paperwork, the planning, so why do you feel like this? I guess I loved the people, the process, the work, everything, more than I hated the paperwork. But it's gone now, so no point thinking about it. Nothing to do about it, yeah?

Be the flame.

Remember I love you, darling.


by Zan

Butterflyblade - Walking alone with God by candlelight.